What the frack?

The big news from our government this week is that Lord Howell of Guildford suggested we should start fracking again in the desolate North East.



(Sucks to be you Newcastle!)

Glad to see that they’re focusing on the important issues again rather than messing around with those frivolous subjects like NHS funding, Social Services being stretched so far that they miss child abuse and privatising our police force.

If you’re going to suggest this in government at least get your facts straight and don’t mistake one area with another! Come on Howell get it right – Lord Howell admits he meant North West England

Because apparently there is absolutely nothing in “Desolate North West England”



(I mean who the hell has even heard of Manchester? Frack the shit out of it!)

It scares me that opinions like this still exist among our ruling class. I can’t wait for next week when Howell tries to bring back slavery by turning Wales into a slave breeding pen.




National Treasure

First off I apologise for the lack of an actual blog post yesterday, I had taken the girls away for shenanigans with their nan and we got back late.



Tuesday we spent in London, seeing the sights and exploring tourist attractions like we’d just stepped off the boat. I even wore a chequered shirt and baseball hat just so I’d blend in with the crowds.

The Tower of London has to be the weirdest reason ever for the British to queue. I mean sure there are things to see there like Henry VIII’s giant cock


(So big it got it’s own religion)

But the main reason you go to the Tower of London is for the queues.

2013-07-30 13.47.55



(Oh my god! I’m so glad we could get in line for the queue to get on the Queuinator!)

They had people lining up for everything from some stairs (yes stairs, literally just stairs that you went up then down again) to the Cafe (because you need a good queue to work up an appetite) to the Crown Jewels (which turned out to be an automated queue with moving floor, British innovation for you).

The crown jewels themselves are great to look at as long as you maintain an open mind. We as a nation are the only people in the world to have a spoon as one of the important items our monarch carries on their coronation day.

coronation spoon


(Ok so I’ve got my golden stick, my shiny hat, my super hero cape and my jewelled ball now where the fuck is my feasting spoon!)

There’s so much gold in the crown collection that the queen herself could solve our country’s debt problems by getting a couple of envelopes from Cash4Gold.



(Hello? Yes I have some unwanted gold. It’s a 4 gallon golden soup bowl how much can I get for it? £80? Fuck that I’ll just take it to Cash Converters)

You can see everything in the Tower in 45 minutes but the queues push that time up to 6 hours so take lunch and survival gear if you go over a weekend, if like us you go in the week make sure you take something to read while you’re waiting (The entire Lord of the Rings trilogy should do it).