Growing up and other vegetables

When I turned 30 I thought “this is it this is when I’ll know how to be an adult” so on my birthday I sat by the door waiting for the DVD marked “How to do Man Things”. Unfortunately just like a birthday card from my dad it never came.

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(I eat to fill to the hole in my heart)

Quick side story here it was my youngest’s 6th birthday party a few weeks ago and we had a big party that my dad organised for our two families. During the party he turned to my mum and started saying how great his neighbour’s son is. He finally finished with “if you had a son wouldn’t you like a son like him” there it is ladies and gentlemen it’s official my dad doesn’t acknowledge that he has sons, not even to his ex wife.

Anyway 30th birthday and I’m not any closer to being an adult than I was at 29, if I’m honest I wasn’t any closer than when I was 15 except I can talk to women and control my erections better.

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(FYI I dress to the right)

I felt a bit lost after that. Every sitcom ever has told me that when I hit 30 I’d suddenly know everything, have a stable income sufficient enough to support laugh a minute hijinks and have a perfect haircut. What it did do though was it did show me that I had assumed things were going to be handed to me. I was working but I could work harder, I wasn’t looking after my body and my hair looked like it was cut with broken glass.

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(Ladies)

Turning 30 made me realise I wasn’t living my own life I was just riding through it. In the year and a bit since I started doing my dream job, for my daughters back and moved in with the woman of my dreams plus I’ve just about managed the haircut.

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