Return of the Manchild

Today we went to the zoo. As a fully grown man I should appreciate the animal’s plight and how zoos are there to help with the preservation of certain species as well as making the greater world of nature more accessible to the general public. However all I could think about was seeing the lemurs and getting an ice cream

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(This lemur tried to touch me, sexually)

It cost £90 to get myself, my mum and my two little girls into the zoo. It was so expensive inside the zoo that in order to eat from the cafe you had to pass a credit check and they only accepted gold bullion.

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(Turns out this isn’t acceptable as currency)

The girls loved it but inevitably they got bored of all the walking and animal spotting, to a 6 year old reindeer and African onyx are just deer beyond the Christmas connotations there’s not much to get excited about with deer. To spice up the adventure I started giving the animals tragic back stories which the girls took to heart.

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(Rayne and Kathrine try to console Colin the crocodile after his wife’s affair and subsequent lovechild drama)

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(Kathrine sings to Simon the sealion who recently found out he was suffering from bowel cancer)

I’m continually surprised by the type of people who go to the zoo. Today I actually overheard one parent say to their children “tigers eat lions and rhinos”. You’d have to be a pretty lost/determined Tiger in order to be a few thousand miles from home chewing on the armour of a rhino or chasing down a pride of lions. It’d be like us trying to eat a tank or motorcycle riding ninja.

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(From the shadows!)

It was a great day and I think the girls enjoyed it all. They especially appreciated me getting bored and encouraging them to recreate mortal kombat for my amusement.

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(FINISH HER! Oh who am I kidding just hug it out guys. CUTEALITY!)

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