Self googlefication

Today I’m going to answer that age old question – What does a comedian do with his spare time?

old-geek

 

(GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRLFRIEND!)

Google ourselves. Yep it’s true every single comedian will spend some time in their week Googling their own name to see who’s talking about them because no matter what we say we crave people saying we’re pretty. Comedians are princesses and we need to be told how fantastic we are.

image
(TELL ME I’M PRETTY! )

Also it helps to find any gigs they may have forgotten that they should be performing at.

I did that. I googled myself only to see a poster with my face on it for that night and couldn’t remember ever being booked for it. I made it to the venue in time, super lucky.

Then the other day I googled myself and found this.

self google

 

That’s a story about a child porn investigation, I mean that’s exactly what I want to come up when promoters and audience members look me up on the internet, that and a story about how Chris Purchase recently retired from a gay porn career because of hideous personal hygiene problems. I’m thankful that it’s the lead Detective I share my name with and not the main suspect.

There’s not much worse for my career than my name being linked to anything like that. I might as well change my name to Pervy McTouchinkids.

The other thing I’ve noticed when googling myself is that Google seems to think I’m another comedian entirely.

google myself

 

(So that’s me, another comic, someone else, a food critic then me again with a lazy eye. I get it Google you hate me for trying to find things that make unicorns cry)

 

See I’m there as the very first result but after that it goes downhill rapidly. That’s because Google, and in fact a few promoters, think I’m another comedian called Chris Norton Walker the thing is it doesn’t think Chris Norton Walker is me. Google thinks Chris Norton Walker is Chris Norton Walker and that I am also Chris Norton Walker.

chrisnortonwalker

 

(SEE WHAT I MEAN! HE GETS TO BE HIMSELF AND ME!)

I even had an audience member tell me that he’d loved me when he saw me last month but what had I done with my hair? I can see the similarities but come on! I have totally different glasses!

While I was googling I also found out what happens when you “like” someone’s status on Facebook claiming it can help underprivileged children.

fbpoverty

(Oh no! We’ve accidentally delivered a box of dislikes! Now little Timmy won’t get his new kidney after all)

If you want to do something to help people who need it then do something, don’t think clicking a button on facebook is going to help anyone at all.

facebook

 

(Sorry my mistake)

While you’re here reading this you should watch this trailer for Ender’s Game. The book was incredible and this looks like it’s going to be a whole barrel of amazings.

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One thought on “Self googlefication

  1. Mate at least you feature on ‘page 1’ of your google search. I don’t mind being behind Bradford City FC Footballer ‘Simon Ramsden’ …but behind the Linked In profile of ‘Simon Ramsden’ who works for a microwave company! Come on!

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