New year, New me, Nouveau

It’s been ages since I’ve written an actual blog post. I’m putting this down to an incredibly busy schedule combined with crushing laziness. You wouldn’t think the two would go together but as soon as I get in the door my body won’t move off the sofa unless a sugary snack is required or my catheter slips out.

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(You know where this goes)

So like many others I’m making a decision to try and be a bit more active with my blog, I mean there’s quite a lot of you reading this now so it just feels wrong to let you down.

I’ve also realised that with growing frequency I’ve posted slightly depressing updates, this is because I have the brain of a 15 year old Panic at the Disco fan and sometimes feel the need to dye my hair black while crying about an argument I had on an anime fan forum.

Thing is I have nothing to really whine about. I live in a country where a wifi connection is as prevalent as free water, maybe even more so. I don’t have to worry about missiles hitting my school because another country’s leader has mistaken the launch button for the one that orders coffee. I’m not struggling to cross an ocean with my children in my arms hoping that my wife is on one of the other boats that made it this far. I got presents for Christmas rather than another 10 years in prison for a crime I didn’t commit. I’m a pretty lucky dude when you look at it like that.

But really how long will I keep up any New Year’s resolutions I make? I have a distinct hatred of authority so as soon as I tell myself to do anything with any level of assertiveness I instantly rebel against it, leaving myself in a constant Ouroboral state of instruction and resentment.

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(Some days I’m the head, most days I’m the arse)

For example I have promised myself that I will lose a lot more weight this year, I’m getting married and want to look less like a reality makeover show’s “before” picture, so this morning I came downstairs and said loudly to myself “This is the day we start eating properly! NO MORE SWEETS!” then immediately tried to consume an entire Terry’s chocolate orange because who the hell do I think I am? I can’t tell me what to do! I’m not my real father!

So these are not my New Year’s resolutions these are my New year’s suggestions:

  1. Write something consistently, a regular upbeat blog for example
  2. Increase our household income just so we can go to a country that requires us to use passports to enter and me not have to perform at some point on the trip
  3. Fit into my smaller clothes. I lost weight then I ate a whole cake I want to vaguely eat better but only if I feel like it
  4. Be a bit more social. I have become a cave troll. I live in my house, I work in my house, I go out to do shows, I come back to my house. My social circle is my two children and my fiancee and while that is wonderful we’ve all started to talk the same. People meeting us for the first time are greeted like we’re emerging from a field of corn. We’ve started to think the same haircuts would be a great idea.
  5. Learn something. I have a guitar and a harmonica that have seen less physical contact than myself aged 13 clutching a Superman comic and screaming “NO TOUCHING!”

These are simple things and as I refuse to yield to my own influence I will leave these here for me to come across and think “hmmm that might be a good idea, I’ll have a go but if anyone tries to force me I’ll eat this entire packet of hobnobs! SO HELP ME GOD! NO TOUCHING!”

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