Giving up is hard to do

I often wonder what life would be like if I had a normal job, if every day I went home at 5pm had dinner, watched some TV then went to bed early because I had to be up in time to beat the morning rush so I can sit at the same desk in a job I hate for 30+ years just so I can have a little security and a pension but cracking 10 years in and going in one Christmas with a crossbow I bought on eBay specifically to take out every single person who had pissed me off over the decade. I often wonder what that would be like. Difficult I’d imagine as I’ve never used a crossbow.

It’s easy to quit when things get difficult, especially when it’s your family that suffers. You see your kids not having designer gear or going to Spain three times a month like the other kids in their class, supposedly, and you think to yourself “is my happiness worth depriving them of these things?” and the answer is “yes it bloody is” because really when you turn round to your kids and say “you can be anything you want to be darling, you can be a dancer or an astronaut or a dog walker, you can be anything as long as it enriches your soul” you can’t follow that up with “unless you want to be a parent in which case FORGET ALL YOUR DREAMS AND BECOME A HUSK FILLED ONLY WITH LOST HOPES AND DISAPPOINTMENT. Now leave me alone I need to find a crossbow seller with good feedback”

My mum always said “nothing good ever came easy” which is why she was in labour with me for 36 hours.

Nearly giving up on comedy has become a monthly ritual, I have a bad gig, I cry on the way home, I phone my wife and she tells me I’m being ridiculous, I listen to Garfunkel and Oates “Loser” and I buck up. You can’t do anything if you give up and really if you’re doing anything at all you’ve got to fail at it a bunch of times before you can say you’ve succeeded. I also then go and watch this video of me doing a joke I love and realise I’m actually pretty fucking good at my job.

Before you give up on anything take a step back, look at everything you’ve achieved and what you want to achieve in the future then get really drunk and sleep that shit off. Really the only failure in life, and the only real regret you’ll have at the end, is not doing the things you wanted to do. Unless those things are murdering strangers in which case I’m happy for you to die unfulfilled.

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