LIVE FROM HIS DINING ROOM EVERY SUNDAY 8.30PM

This and every Sunday at 8.30pm it’s Chris Purchase Live From His Dining Room! The topical comedy show about the week’s news streamed live and free right to your devices! We’re now multiplatform so tune in on Facebook: facebook.com/thechrispurchase
YouTube: YouTube.com/c/chrispurchase
Twitch: twitch.tv/thechrispurchase

Here’s a taste of last week’s show!

Live from his dining room

Get your chocolate, your drinks and settle in for Easter Sunday’s weekly dose of news and topical humour from me “Live from his dining room” this week I will be broadcasting simultaneously on Facebook and YouTube live so sign up for the event at the link below

https://facebook.com/events/s/chris-purchase-live-from-his-d/685089115632682/

Or head over to

http://www.youtube.com/c/ChrisPurchase to subscribe for updates

Joke roundup

It’s been a while since I posted actual jokes on here, instead bombarding you with dieting and books like a librarian six weeks before their wedding day, and now I realise there’s nearly 10,000 of you I feel like I’m letting you down so here’s some stuff for you to enjoy as a thank you for following me and also because you laughing at my material fills a hole in my self esteem. Enjoy.

Totally nailed that regular update thing

So yeah totally and completely failed in every way to keep updating this regularly. I have no excuse beyond getting married and moving house all in the same month plus having a job that requires me to drive the same amount of distance as a HGV driver without the regular pay cheque and roadside blowjobs.

However next week I get to do 3 gigs with a totally incredible comedian.

I met Simon King end of last year and we realised we’re on the same page with regards to the kind of comedy we like and what we want to do with it only Simon is about 10 times the comedian I am. Check out this video and try to tell me he’s not incredible, you won’t be able to unless you’re lying:

Simon King being amazing

Wednesday 9th November we’re at the Manchester Comedy Store doing our two man show Dark Times which has zero tinder jokes or bantz, tickets are £8 get them here Comedy Store tickets

Friday 11th November is my hometown in Lichfield show Comedy 42 which is us two plus a couple of other incredible comedians – Comedy 42 tickets

and finally Saturday 12th we’re doing Stand Up for the Left in Derbyshire which is a night all about smashing down our Tory masters – Smash the establishment

New year, New me, Nouveau

It’s been ages since I’ve written an actual blog post. I’m putting this down to an incredibly busy schedule combined with crushing laziness. You wouldn’t think the two would go together but as soon as I get in the door my body won’t move off the sofa unless a sugary snack is required or my catheter slips out.

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(You know where this goes)

So like many others I’m making a decision to try and be a bit more active with my blog, I mean there’s quite a lot of you reading this now so it just feels wrong to let you down.

I’ve also realised that with growing frequency I’ve posted slightly depressing updates, this is because I have the brain of a 15 year old Panic at the Disco fan and sometimes feel the need to dye my hair black while crying about an argument I had on an anime fan forum.

Thing is I have nothing to really whine about. I live in a country where a wifi connection is as prevalent as free water, maybe even more so. I don’t have to worry about missiles hitting my school because another country’s leader has mistaken the launch button for the one that orders coffee. I’m not struggling to cross an ocean with my children in my arms hoping that my wife is on one of the other boats that made it this far. I got presents for Christmas rather than another 10 years in prison for a crime I didn’t commit. I’m a pretty lucky dude when you look at it like that.

But really how long will I keep up any New Year’s resolutions I make? I have a distinct hatred of authority so as soon as I tell myself to do anything with any level of assertiveness I instantly rebel against it, leaving myself in a constant Ouroboral state of instruction and resentment.

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(Some days I’m the head, most days I’m the arse)

For example I have promised myself that I will lose a lot more weight this year, I’m getting married and want to look less like a reality makeover show’s “before” picture, so this morning I came downstairs and said loudly to myself “This is the day we start eating properly! NO MORE SWEETS!” then immediately tried to consume an entire Terry’s chocolate orange because who the hell do I think I am? I can’t tell me what to do! I’m not my real father!

So these are not my New Year’s resolutions these are my New year’s suggestions:

  1. Write something consistently, a regular upbeat blog for example
  2. Increase our household income just so we can go to a country that requires us to use passports to enter and me not have to perform at some point on the trip
  3. Fit into my smaller clothes. I lost weight then I ate a whole cake I want to vaguely eat better but only if I feel like it
  4. Be a bit more social. I have become a cave troll. I live in my house, I work in my house, I go out to do shows, I come back to my house. My social circle is my two children and my fiancee and while that is wonderful we’ve all started to talk the same. People meeting us for the first time are greeted like we’re emerging from a field of corn. We’ve started to think the same haircuts would be a great idea.
  5. Learn something. I have a guitar and a harmonica that have seen less physical contact than myself aged 13 clutching a Superman comic and screaming “NO TOUCHING!”

These are simple things and as I refuse to yield to my own influence I will leave these here for me to come across and think “hmmm that might be a good idea, I’ll have a go but if anyone tries to force me I’ll eat this entire packet of hobnobs! SO HELP ME GOD! NO TOUCHING!”